Hello,

I'm new to this forum. I have become aware that the traits of (covert) narcissism very much apply to myself, i.e. grandiose fantasies, need for adulation, and long-standing patterns of dysfunction in relationships, all relationships.

I would like to aim to have at least some authentic relationships in my life, in which I actually have connection, and genuinely care about everything the person has to say. I want to be able to do this. I want to, and am taking steps to help myself.

I don't want a diagnosis. I have heard awful stories about NPD people being treated terribly by psychiatrists, i.e. being told to believe that they are always wrong, about everything.

But I am wondering how possible it is for me to change. I am also troubled by the narrative that narcissists are bad and 'evil'. Logic tells me this is wrong. These behaviours have happened for a reason, I don't believe narcissists are born. Even predisposition just means 'more likely'.

I don't really know what to do. I am fairly isolated, and the level of pain I am living with is huge. Extreme depression, shame, emptiness, futility. I have few friends and have never managed to make a relationships work.

Has anyone else committed to self-improvement? I notice that there doesn't seem to be a high frequency of posts in this sub-forum, so I am wondering whether others here are as lonely or isolated as myself. I wish to connect, if anyone wants to. If not, I'll go back to watching Netflix and dreading waking up every morning.