It's quite possible that I'm using forgiveness differently than others, although I did look it up just to check, and my definition matches the most common ones. I am not confusing it with forgetting. I simply do not choose to stop being angry at my perpetrators. Nor do I choose to exonerate, pardon, absolve, acquit, or provide amnesty for them (these are common synonyms for forgive). I think letting go of that anger would actually be LESS healthy for me than sitting with that anger, that it would be disempowering (again, this is my personal journey, I'm not saying it's true of everyone or even anyone other than me). I think letting go of anger prematurely (or sometimes ever) can render a person invisible (my experience) and can uphold the status quo where a little righteous anger might bring about more positive change (either within individuals or systemically).

I guess I just don't subscribe to the concept that "x is the only way to heal" and "otherwise you will always be stuck in the past with wounds." Those are absolute statements, and I tend to shy away from those when we're talking the human experience. I think the most anyone can say is that they experience something a particular way, or possibly even that many people experience it that way, maybe even that most people do. But not all people all the time. I'm not asking you not to view it that way for yourself, but simply to hold open the possibility that it might be different for others (at least one other). I'm not trying to argue a "correct" viewpoint, just putting out an alternate viewpoint on forgiveness for consideration for those with whom it might resonate.

LT - I apologize if I've hijacked your thread with a side conversation that isn't helpful to you. Let me know if that's the case.