Last night, I fought with myself to take my meds. I don't know why I ALWAYS fight with myself so much over med compliance. I ultimately took them at midnight rather than at 7pm, but I put up a long fight. I think this particular time it was laziness. Like, "who cares? It's not gonna hurt to miss a dose." But once I get in that "who cares?" mode, I start doing the same thing the next day, and the next day after that... and it keeps going and going and going. That's not the case every time, though.

I don't know how to make myself stay compliant. I already want off the buspar because it's an added med and I'm still anxious as f*** anyways. It's helping, but not all that much. I also don't want to take a benzo. I've always refused my klonopin and Ativan. I'd rather live with my anxiety than have my pdoc tell me what I "need" to take.

I know the psychosis will come back if I stop my meds again, but it's like I don't care unless it comes back.