My mother definitely thought I was difficult to raise and did not find my brother to be. My father, on the other hand, was just the opposite. I don't consider my mother to be on a hook for anything. She did try the best she could. It did not make my mother happy that she did not understand me. We did not understand each other at all. I think mothers get an unfair shake a lot of the time on this. People don't all get each other. I once read about a woman and her daughter who went to a therapist - the woman had felt like she could never express anger grwoing up and unsupported by parents etc and so when her kid got angry - she would take the kid to throw pottery to let out the anger. The mother's intentions were good but all the kid wanted was to be held.

The first therapist this time found me difficult and I have no idea why (and she would say she found me challenging but never explain), but the second one did not(and I have no idea why this one didn't) -I suppose it just happens. I don't see the purpose or value in using terms like forgive or let off the hook except in situations of deliberate malice. The fumblings of usual human beings with each other is messy but not malicious. I am not saying it is fun to have one's mother not understand them, but I do think at some point one moves on to relieve one's self of the burden.

I don't see anything as a reason for being more or less loved. I don't see love in that fashion.
I also don't think people change or move on until they are ready no matter how much others may urge them to do so nor how logical it might be.