krazibean, if the word "transference" doesn't work for you, then don't use it. I have a real relationship with my therapist, we are very close, and we care a great deal about each other. What's not "real" about that? For me, it isn't transference anymore than it would be transference with a new person I met outside of therapy with whom I used my typical behavior patterns in a relationship. For example, I am not good about telling people my needs in any relationship, no matter if therapy or not. Also, my T is not a blank slate so maybe that makes it different. I know a lot about him. If some people like to use "transference" to describe a relationship that is simply consistent with past relationship patterns, then they can. I just use plain language: "I have a relationship with my therapist and it is consistent with my past relationships." Through our work in therapy together, I am learning and practicing healthier patterns of relating. This has been very healing for me.

Krazibean, I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's just semantics. Use the words to describe your relationship that work for you.