Actually, I am not wanting to push him away which is what is confusing me... I am getting more and more afraid of him as We go further in our work and I am also finding out more about his credentials that scare me. I am avoidant, a total control freak in relationships and tend to make others feel very connected to me while not feeling any connection to them at all. He is challenging that very directly, gently and ethically but he is also using some of my other defenses/personality quirks in his favor... but he is not pushing or pressuring... which as I read so many posts here is when a lot of people seem to push back (which makes sense in a survival way).
He is wanting to touch something very, very deep which, to me (and to others that have worked with me) feels like a Pandora’s box. IDK it is like I totally trust him to go there I am just not sure I want to be there when he does? He has moved towards this spot several times now and we have had to stop because my anxiety gets to high. He does not want to do any other work until we get through this which makes sense as it interferes with everything. I really think his next suggestion has a chance and I am both very excited and terrified. I *think* I am most likely to cling to him when we get there but it is a time when I read a lot of people pushing their T away. I know his biggest concern from day one has been that I will push him away and not come back.