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Remember when Dorothy glimpsed the little old man behind the curtain who controlled the image of the great OZ? Rapid cycling reminds me of that for some reason. It's like my cycles are these magnified apparitions controlled by some diminutive lunatic who remains hidden from view. The more distracting and or distressing the apparition, the more i'm looking for my inner Dorothy.

One thing i've found though is, as delicious as it is when the universal light shines in my mind and illuminates all the mysteries, as hypnotic and ecstatic and prefferable to the other end of the cycle as it is, the more I identify myself with it, invest myself in it, the harder the fall. I didn't get anywhere with the downside until I could partially divorce myself from the high.

My inner Dorothy keeps an eye on that curtain now, knowing that good or bad, the apparition is just that an apparition.

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I understand what you're saying and you could be onto something there but there is just something about this high that it's hard not to live in the moment. It happens so seldom, I don't want to think of my normal state of doom and gloom. I'd rather enjoy the high to the fullest and I'll deal with the impending crash when it hits. You just never know how far off that is, it could be weeks, days, hours or even in the next minute, there is no warning, it just smacks you in the butt and you're on that elevator that comes crashing down faster than you could even imagine. I wish it came with warnings but nope, it hits in an instant. That's the hard part but I'm not even gonna think about all that doom and gloom that is just around the corner, I need to have some more fun, fun, fun right now.

So how long have you been dealing with all this?