I am not dealing with this vacation very well, or at all. This has been a horrific year. I am dealing with some very intense anger, bewilderment., helplessness, hopelessness. self hatred. You very articulately got the point across that you are "just" my therapist. Are you planning on being gone a lot more time? I need to know because I can't take this. I'm sitting here in agony and you're off sailing the high seas totally unaffected.

I can't help how I am reacting. I just want to be numb, or really, nonexistent. I don't care about my future, if I will be in pain forever, if you stay or leave.

You are unaffected while I am struggling. This is how I feel. AT this point, if you want me gone or if you don't care, it doesn't matter. I desperately want to lose consciousness of reality. I am overwhelmed with unwanted affect. I am overwhelmed with my unwanted state of consciousness. I'm just decimated.

I can't do this.