Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceEngine7
I have not done anything yet.
I don't expect people to understand this. Yes, it is messed up. But you don't live in my shoes. I am at the point where I am so messed up that when I think about trying to find a single guy I feel bored and I have no desire to do so. I have depression, social anxiety, very low self esteem (zero actually) and am very lonely. Every one in my life throws me aside and treats me like crap my entire life. My parents really messed me up bad. They have no clue how bad I am.
I am trying to make changes but it is very hard when you are exhausted all the time, around negative people on a daily basis and are severely depressed. And when you are lonely you will take whatever you can get to get by. And yes, he is probably like a drug to me. it gives me something while my life sucks.
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You know, DanceEngine, not too long ago (a couple years now?) I was in somewhat of a similar position as you, so I can kind of relate to what you just explained about yourself and your life above.
I was living with my parents in my 40's, I was in a horrific job I hated, I had little money, just a few friends but no real social circle to speak of, & I was very, very lonely.
Those factors combined led me to become involved in very abusive and toxic relationships. I took crumbs and accepted crumbs because I felt so desperate for basically anything that would make me feel even remotely better than I was feeling.
I take it that this may be similar to how you feel right now.
What I did do was I got out of those relationships eventually. But I allowed myself to stay for a long time, and longer than I should have, to my own detriment.
I did finally see the light and their true colors, just as you are now seeing this guy's true colors.
The point I'm making is I can understand your position in life and how you may feel right now.
I do hope things can improve for you, but you have to take the necessary steps yourself for improving your lot in life. We cannot remain a victim of our circumstances. We must take action & be proactive to get out of a bad situation we find ourselves in.
This is what I've been encouraging you to do, as many of us have, and I do hope you take some steps to improve your life and your own self esteem.
