I feel crazy because my brain has a chemical imbalance and malfunctioned. I think about it at least a few times a day, but I'm not manic. I understand feeling guilty though. I had no idea I had this and it came on suddenly. My behavior was horrible and I'm shameful of it. I know it wasn't technically my fault, but it still hurts every day. It gives me motivation to make healthy lifestyle changes and I'm trying to see that as the bright side.

Maybe try a coping skill to help you think about something else. Music maybe. I sing a particular song over and over until the thoughts recede when I get stuck on a train I want to get off of.