Sometimes those people who seem toxic are fighting their own battles & the fight spills over onto those around them. I was guilty of this being a very independent person (I think born that way) but it sermed like I had to fight for everything in my life & I wasn't about to back down when I knew I was only fighting for what I wanted to accomplish in my life & that wasn't going to harm anyone else. My goals were non-harmful but the way I went about protecting them was.....My daughter & I have discussed this & she understands & I apologized after seeing what really had been happening in my life. Ah the peace & not having to battle is wonderful.
Saying this because each situation is so very different even though behaviors look the same on the surface & are just as toxic....sometimes the reasons behind them aren't all that the person is being toxic because they are just a horrible person.
As kids we can't possible know or understand this (lol....I didn't even know myself why until I was 60+). All these things are so complex & there just comes a point in our life where we need to be able to say.....I want to be this in spite of anything that happened in the past & make it our goal to get there with that being our focus.....while having T really helps at the same time to process that past & to integrate it into those present goals