I have to add that this afternoon went better than i thought.

Work was easier, and when i finished it, P accepted my offer for a ride to the city center. we only spent a few mins together but there were a lot of things i could think of to talk about with him. there have been a few moments of embarassing silence but not so many and not so bad. there is only one thing that makes me feel akward with him… i like to speak in dialect while he speaks in italian. im not sure why. its not a big deal, but i consider it as a matter of good education. i dont want to change myself for him or be different than i am, except if it makes it difficult for him to be or talk with me. anyway, he also said i had a nice sweater and my feminine part was all pleased and flattered. i may start dressing better for him!

at the pharmacy it was embarassing but the pharmacist gave me a simple suggestion and i had nothing to buy. i hope it will work. i'll try with it for a few days and if it still doesnt work i'll go back looking for another solution, but i hope this one will work.

dinner with my friend was nice and i also got my first icecream for this year.

my plans for monday and tuesday have changed because of the letter i have to go get and it bothers me. i know its not a big deal if i go to the grocery shop on tue instead than mon, but it does feel like a big deal to me. im annoyed with plan changes.

what i hope is that tomorrow at work will go as this afternoon and i hope T and alcohol will help for the Home anniversary. i hope the SH will be… ??? good??? but what i really hope is that seeing Home wont be too saddening or excruciating or that i wont feel anything at all. and that i'll feel as good as any other time i have seen it again since i left it, as for any other anniversary. i really hope i'll survive tomorrow with not feeling too bad, anxious or depressed.

now meds are kicking in and im going to bed. please, make tomorrow be an ok day at least! im scared...