I don't know where to start I love my girlfriend of about a year and a half very much, but we've been having the same two issues since we got together. We are both women in our twenties. To start with, I'll give you a snapshot of our conflict styles.

Me: confrontational, argumentative, logical. I am good at expressing my emotions. I generally don't things take personally when we're arguing, I just want to fix whatever's wrong. I am, admittedly, very stubborn and want to get my way. While I don't get sad very often while arguing, I can build a temper. My gf says that I sometimes take on a very condescending and mean tone that makes her feel stupid. I am ashamed to say that when I'm very angry, I can say things for the sake of being mean. I'm working very hard on getting rid of this habit because it's just awful. I hate myself for it. I do not raise my voice at all, although I do sound frustrated and irritable.

My GF: passive, nervous, and silent. When we argue about anything, she says she doesn't know what to say, and remains silent or just says "sorry, ok, sorry," over and over again. This is not just when I'm angry--this is just when we're having a calm discussion too. She is quick to cry, takes things very personally, and is bad at expressing herself. She is visibly anxious during any arguments we have--she will compulsively scratch at herself, stroke the blanket, pull on things, etc. (I want to clarify here that I am NOT acting in any way that would make most people nervous or fearful. I don't raise my voice, make sudden movements, storm around, or break things. I'm usually just sitting next to her in bed when this happens. I've never encountered someone like my gf in terms of her conflict style).

The issues we have:

#1. Communication. She will not talk. When we're discussing anything even remotely uncomfortable, she clams up and claims she doesn't know what to say. I believe her, and I guess it has to do with anxiety or something? I'm used to people who are good at arguing off the cuff. Anyways, this is incredibly frustrating to me. I try and ask her questions, ask for her opinion, state my own opinion, and then...she says nothing. It's very defeating and I don't know why she won't. Just. Talk. It's like talking into a void! The worst part is that, since any minor unrelated issue we have comes to this, we end up fighting about this every time we squabble about anything else.

I genuinely want to help her with this. She told me that she's had this issue in other relationships as well. I try to remain very calm when this is happening and ask her what's going on, what she's thinking about, things to bring her out of her shell. But when I still get nothing, my temper builds and she'll shrug and say, "I don't know what to say." I always feel like screaming "THINK OF SOMETHING!!"

This is our main issue. I desperately want to help her so that she's able to express herself during our discussions. If she were able to do this, our fights would nearly disappear.

#2. I am not touchy feely. I don't like to be touched sexually outside of sex. I don't want anyone running their hands up and down my body, grabbing my ***, boobs, or anything else if we're not having sex. I like to cuddle a lot and be close--but I don't want the sexual contact OUTSIDE OF SEX. I do like sex, to be clear. We're fine there. I have sensory issues and am easily overwhelmed and then irritated. I've been reduced to tears several times over this.

Unfortunately, my GF likes all of the things I've mentioned above. She doesn't do them anymore, due to previous discussions we've had, but it makes her feel sad that she can't. I don't really understand this, because I wouldn't want to do something to her that makes her uncomfortable--so why does she want to do it to me? There are things she doesn't like that I wish I could do, but I don't because I wouldn't want to make her unhappy. She has made huge productions over this issue--fights in restaurants, before bed...it's plagued us for months.

I feel very guilty that she can't touch me in ways that would make her happy, but at the same time I'm not going to make her happy at the expense of my physical comfort. Also, why should I feel guilty for not wanting to be touched certain ways? Why should I be guilted over this? Am I being unreasonable?

Woof, that's a big wall of text. Thanks for reading. Any input is very very appreciated. Hopefully all this doesn't make me sound like the big bad wolf--I really am committed to working through issues with her. I love her so much and we have a great time together, except for these two issues. Thanks.