Well today it is a week since the death of a lad I have worked with for the last 3 years, he was killed ina horrific train accident on his way into work last friday morning.

I don’t know how to explain how I have been feeling this week, it is an entirely new emotion to me but all the same I hate it so much. I guess its a sort of empty feeling, like I’m missing something.

Anyway this week I have done everything in my power to keep my mind busy, to keep myself safe. I’ve so far been to the pub 4 times, been into town, had my cars engine to bits twice, had my guitar to bits, given a guitar lesson and drove 50+ miles all just to pass the time.

I’m sick of this, I so desperately want to feel something, but I know if I go down the same road as I’m fighting to avoide then things will only end up even worse than they already are.

I really feel lost, and don’t really see what this post is going to achieve, guess I just need a good vent.

I’m at college tomorrow and I know his death is going to be a big topic throughout the day, I think I’ll take my sterio and shut off for the day. :-(

Marko