When I started with Awesome T and I told him I have difficulties with trust he said “Trust, Starts here, With ME”. He said it in a very firm but reassuring tone. Now, just when I got to where I trust him more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life he tells me that we cannot go farther in our work until I have more trust in him... OK, totally get where he is coming from, even agree...
So... he has been gone and I have been working on an art/expression project while he has been out of the office... this has become a norm for us and I think T thinks it is kinda fun... he never knows what he will come back to. I got the artsy part done and need to do the functional part and finishing. I showed the artsy part to H and he does NOT want it in the house. It is VERY symbolic of T and has the same look/feel as T’s office... I thought I could use it as a comfort item either with T or, more importantly, between sessions when I really need to be near him but it just isn’t doable. So H is insistent that this project belongs to T and must stay at T’s office... T has not been consulted on this either...
T wants to use a weighted blanket with me in session to see if we can get me feeling safe/secure/relaxed enough to let him near infant me to nurture her. So I made a quilt top that feels like T’s office to me and I was going to weight it when I put the batting and backing on... it is lap pad size not even a lap quilt or throw... but feels like T. I thought it would be good self care... now I am sad, frustrated and neurotic.