Yes, I realize now I’ve been desperately seeking to label him because if I could label it, I could understand it. And if it could be labeled, it could be addressed and treated. I think I’m coming to terms with the reality that whatever is going on with him, he’s going to have a lot of hard work to do to get to a better place, and my fear is that he’ll refuse to do it. If he refuses to do it (go to therapy, quit drinking, etc.), then my 17-year marriage will be over. I can’t stick around to be emotionally abused, even if it’s not in front of the kids. I deserve better because everyone deserves better. No one should be treated like that. Fingers crossed that he does the hard work, because he loves me and the kids enough to do it. I can’t imagine ever being married to another man.

Thanks for helping me work this out on your board. I really appreciate all of your thoughtful responses.