Quote:
Originally Posted by Omers
I showed the artsy part to H and he does NOT want it in the house. It is VERY symbolic of T and has the same look/feel as T’s office... I thought I could use it as a comfort item either with T or, more importantly, between sessions when I really need to be near him but it just isn’t doable. So H is insistent that this project belongs to T and must stay at T’s office... T has not been consulted on this either...
T wants to use a weighted blanket with me in session to see if we can get me feeling safe/secure/relaxed enough to let him near infant me to nurture her. So I made a quilt top that feels like T’s office to me and I was going to weight it when I put the batting and backing on... it is lap pad size not even a lap quilt or throw... but feels like T. I thought it would be good self care... now I am sad, frustrated and neurotic.
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I’m torn about this.
On one hand, I think you have every right to have your project in the house and you should be able to work on it whenever you want.
On the other, as the husband in this situation, I’d be bothered. You talk about needing to be close to another man and having him nurture you. Longing. The item is a blanket - an intimate item. Possibly used to lay down. I think this would be difficult for most men to digest. I get what your therapist is trying to do, but even reading this as an outsider, I’m uncomfortable. I can see how the actual object is upping the intensity of your husband’s jealous feelings and underdtand why he wouldn’t want it around.
I am fortunate that my therapist was a woman. I had strong feelings for her (maternal) which my husband could accept on some level. If the strong feelings were towards a male, no matter what kind of feelings, it would have created marital issues. I think there’s a whole other aspect of therapy that can be hard for the ‘excluded spouses’, regardless of gender. For me, therapy did create an emotional rift as my attention shifted to my therapist. My husband and I are still okay, but therapy can have a destructive side to relationships as well.
I guess my only recommendation would be to tread gently around your husband. I think this dynamic with your therapist and the treatment plan would be hard for a lot of men.