I think I understand. I went through a significant amount of time trying to figure out why I am the way I am... I'm pretty sick (well, I certainly was) and so something truly horrible and awful must have happened to me - mustn't it?????

Different people have different sensitivities. You can take some event x and the way that one person responds to that can be very different from the way that another person responds to that. Even with events that the majority of people would classify as 'abusive' might result in a lot of long lasting hurt and pain for one person and yet another person might not be all that affected by it.

I think that our responses are understandable... ALL of them. If you find me someone and say 'their response simply isn't understandable' then I'll say 'try haaaaarder'.

As a kid... If you are going through a sensitive time and you really need to be in a safe environment with trusted figures who you are attached to... If you find yourself in an environment that feels strange and scary then that could well have a lasting impact.

One idea is... That what is needed for dissociation is an emotional response that exceeds the persons ability to cope with / regulate / integrate / feel their emotional response. That can be for a variety of reasons... Because one hasn't been taught coping strategies, because even though one knows coping strategies the experience is too intense, etc etc etc.

A lot of people try and justify their painful EXPERIENCES by recourse to EVENTS that have happened to them. I guess... For me... I was helped by shifting the focus from EVENTS (that may or may not have happened and probably didn't precisely as I remember them because that is the nature of memory) to my EXPERIENCES. The painful experiences... And learning how to cope with them and hold them and experience them and integrate them and soothe them now...