Yeah, go figure! I don't know what to think of that.
Except that raw part is a repressed part of you that would be great to bring to sessions. I understand you are bringing more in now. I also imagine T can't analyze your superego if it wasn't in emails. It has to be there to be resolved, so it's good that it's coming out.

I loved the raw feelings. It was like experiencing myself for the first time. But there was a lot of sexual stuff too.

I get a little jealous of your T. He's just like mine with one exception-my T wasn't as generous as yours, such as saying all the kind things. He was that way for a short time, then I got intense sexual feelings, so then he quit being as kind. That was years ago. I think we are actually going to revisit that soon. I was actually very angry about that, we had a huge rupture over it.