I am trying to figure out how close or attached I feel with my T because it's not clear cut. I kinda feel she is everything and nothing to me at the same time. But I think this is classic avoidant.
I have started making the controlled effort to show her I am trying to trust her which I think aids closeness so simply being like this is very hard for me to tell you but I am trying. last session I told her I found something useful she told me and I have mentioned how something she mentioned on the off came up outside of the session. It was kinda my way of saying I think of this outside of session and what you say is part of my life.
I find the idea of closeness with a professional icky. Really hard. Sometimes we are very out of time with one another but sometimes the fact it's so hard when it works nicely it feels extra special.
Currently I am preparing for both doing deeper work as well as leaving in a few months so I think the issue with closeness will be interesting in the weeks and months to come