I missed the last two days of work (negative PTO hours now) because I just get up feeling really low and my anxiety had been out of control. I feel that my bipolar disorder is getting in the way of my life more than usual. I feel extremely lonely and come home and just go to bed as soon as I come home from work at get like 12 hours of sleep a night. I end up getting hospitalized for a month at a time every year around Christmas time for mania. I've missed a few Christmas' over the years due to my hospitalizations. Over the past 9 years, I've lost 3 jobs due to my bipolar and lately I've just had a hard time not only going to work but focusing at a full day at work. When will it get better? I'm in tears writing this

Im trying to see a psychologist, but it's almost impossible to find one who is taking appointments.

Why is having bipolar so hard? My boss knows I have bipolar so I think I get some leeway on missing work. I asked for working from home some days but I haven't received a response yet. A coworker on my team has a illness and she misses a lot of work too and my boss has never said anything to me about it so I guess that is good. I got a really good review this week so I don't think he could fire me on work performance. Even If I did lose my job, I would get disability.

I just feel like a huge hot mess right now.