((((((((((((((Bigbear)))))))))))))))))
What a huge step! Just saying we are tired of living this way and can't take it anymore is a ginormous thing! I'm there too and I so understand.

It's so hard to think that we don't deserve this, even subconsciously. It's all we've known. I'm so glad T is helping you to see another way. It's especially difficult to stand up to children, even if they are so much bigger than us. As much as son can be a jerk here, he's still my son and I care about him.

But it's also more than that. When son rages, he becomes other people in my life. And though part of the brain knows he is son, other parts of the brain don't see him as that. Combine that with the fear that we've known all our life if it was even thought that we might stand up for ourselves, well, whew! It can be paralyzing.

Don't give up if you aren't able to do everything at once. Everything you do is a step toward a safe place and that's a good thing. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't always able to follow through. You're moving in the right direction.

You deserve a safe place to live (I say this speaking to myself as well).

You are so brave and strong. Ask your T for the number to a safe house. You don't have to call it, but have it with you at all times, hidden away. I can tell you that for me, it gave me strength just to have that number because it gave me a different solution to think about than suicide. The safe house will take in both you and your other children.

It's so hard to break that cycle of abuse. I had thought I did break it because I did not abuse my children, but it's SO much more than that.

You can do this bigbear. We will be here cheering you on, every step of the way. I'm so glad you found us. I'm so glad to see you posting here.

PM if you ever need to. Thank you for trusting us enough to reach out to us for support. You can do this bigbear.