Yes, H is controlling and VERY insecure. Oddly enough having met T, H knows that T and I would struggle to even be friends outside of the office... anything more than that and we would kill eachother! As a T for me I could not ask for better... but outside of the professional we would not get along beyond social niceties at brief encounters... even H can see that.
As far as staying with H, I do stand up to him and likely will in some way on this one. Right now my son who is special needs and has mental health issues is the bigger risk to me so I am prioritizing getting him in a group home (we FINALLY have someone coming out to meet him Monday). Once my son is in a more secure place I do plan on giving the marriage a VERY limited chance (3-6mo to show significant progress) to heal given the stressors we have been through with my son... however if H does not agree to couples therapy and a few other things I will be leaving him as well.
T suggested the best way of dealing with insecure spouses is to be as open with them as the client feels comfortable.. so that is what I am trying. What I may end up doing is leaving the lap pad at the office when T is around and taking it home when I need it be ause T is out of town.