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Originally Posted by golden_eve
There;s no way to draw someone out of their shell. IF after ALL attempts, she still doesn't have anything to say to you, I'd say it's a fundamental incompatibility. You have power over her in this way; she is passive and doesn't respond. I'd also say that her wanting to touch you is also a basic and fundamental incompatibility.
Couples cannot be 100% compatible in all ways.
So the question is: where are you compatible? In what areas? Can you relate well in other ways that are fundamental to a long-lasting relationship? Trust? Faithfulness? Spiritual and political beliefs? Values? Lifestyles? Sexually within the bedroom when you desire to be intimate with her? Are you compatible in these critical areas?
Communication can be worked on, but you also cannot force it. You would have to accept that she is not the same as you are in this area.
It also strikes me, again, that she is sad about your boundaries. This came up in your last thread & it seemed she stopped. But the issue was she doesn't want to respect your boundaries. That is pretty big. She is not appreciative or showing appreciation of YOUR feelings. As you had stated before, you would respect someone's feelings if they felt uncomfortable, and you would not want them to feel that way. She does not respect your feelings, even if she is restraining herself. How does that make you feel?
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We are compatible in more ways than not. She is my best friend--we live together with no issues regarding day to day life, trust, sex, values, etc...We are very comfortable together.
It makes me feel confused, frankly. I've accused of of being entitled (to my body), and she said that she didn't feel like she was, she was simply sad that I wasn't receptive to one of the ways she shows love. She does feel bad for making me uncomfortable. It's a weird situation.
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Originally Posted by Iloivar
It seems like both of you are putting in the effort with mininal results, perhaps couples therapy could be an option if you haven't tried it already? Unless you don't deem those two issues serious enough for such an action since you said the relationship is otherwise great. So to what extent do these two issue affect the relationship?
you mention if she has adequate communication skills then the fights would stop. How do these fights begin?
As for the sexual touching. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. You shouldn't feel guilty because it's likely something out of your control. Particularly if there's no discernable reason as to why you're like that (such as a bad experience)
I also do think it's normal for your gf to respect your boundaries while mourning the fact she can't be touchy feely with you. Again, it might be a preference out of her control and of particular importance to her. It starts to be an issue though if she persists in wanting to do so after being told no multiple times
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The fights usually begin with a discussion. Usually there's something that's upset one of us, and I broach the topic, and get little communication back. I start getting frustrated that she isn't communicating...and it all starts.
I don't know if these issues are serious enough to break up over. We have an amazing time together otherwise, and I am so irritable that these two issues have been plaguing us! I want the problems to go away, but they feel hard to solve when one of the issues is about communication itself
And thank you for reassuring me. I often wish that I was more touchy feely for her, but then I guess I wouldn't be myself.