I think forgiveness is a difficult theme for women. We are taught to be understanding, malleable, and to deprioritise our needs in preference for those of others. If we are angry or hurt or resentful or show our "ugly" emotions then we are exiled or admonished. I am not sure that forgiveness has much of a place in most women's recovery from hurt. I don't think our emotional responses and associated choices need to be binary; we can be unforgiving without being bitter.

My mother was abusive throughout my childhood. I don't forgive her and I don't accept her behaviours; I understand that her mental illness and alcoholism caused her to be abusive. Her behaviour is her responsibility. As such, it is her responsibility to forgive herself and accept her actions, I am not accountable for forgiving her.