One day my brother called me "antisocial" pretending to say "asocial" (just because I didn't like going out because I found it boring). I searched the definition of antisocial and found it was a personality disorder characterised by a lack of empathy, guilt and concern for other people's rights, superficial charm, antisocial behaviour (tendency to break the law), impulsivity, conning for one's personal gain and, in case of sociopaths, a lack of a great amount of emotions. Sociopaths fit in the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), but not all of them are antisocials.

At first I thought this wasn't me, especially because I've never had problems with laws or thought about my empathy, manipulative actions and so on, so I forgot about it. Some time later (concretely, december past year) I decided to get more information about ASPD. I listed all the criteria for ASPD and sociopathy in my mind and started getting memories of when I was younger. I realised then, I never thought about empathy because I never had it all. When I saw someone cried of sadness or pain, I simply couldn't feel anything, but I unconsciously faked a sad face. I've always been smarter than most of the people I knew, but I've always been irresponsible.

I don't know if I'm a sociopath or suffer from ASPD, and I don't want to know in any case, but I don't care about labels. If you want to change, a label won't do anything good for you, you'll still be the same, with or without the label. Knowing you're a sociopath, or believing you're one, is pointless for a change. However, if you still want to be sure you're a sociopath...

It's true that sociopaths lie a lot (this is something I can relate to). Usually, they tend to lie to protect themselves and to make the conning possible. In order to fake a cry out of sadness to manipulate your victim, you must lie. If you killed someone, you must lie to protect yourself. If you wanted to start from zero in another place with another identity, you must lie, of course. I mostly lie to avoid consequences, and I can't stop lying, it's a defense mechanism, and therefore it's something impulsive.

Sociopaths can love in a special way some people. It depends on the sociopath, some may have grown up with a family they're tired of and therefore they're alone or they have a special friend (usually a [more or less] honest friendship). This is not only because the sociopath is mostly unable to connect with other people, but because sociopaths/antisocials tend to be too paranoid or in guard. It's hard for a sociopath to tell the truth about themselves, and with their conning nature, most relations they have won't end up well.

Sociopaths have what it's called "cognitive empathy", which means they're able to understand what another person is going through, but they can't feel it. And, sociopaths are usually superficially charming, and it's part of their conning nature, but once they're tired of their lives they can wear off their mask and show they're not the charming men/women they were. Also, this can happen if you happen to trigger them.

I'm not an expert, and I can't tell you if you're a sociopath or what other disorder you've got. However, let me ask you a few questions to determine if you might or not be a sociopath/antisocial:

1. What would you feel if you were someone unknown suffering, for example after a violent and serious accident? What if it was someone close to you?
2. You haven't talked much about your emotions, what emotions do you tend to feel (or that you recognise)? Are these intense and long-lasting/average?
3. Do you think you could survive life all alone? Would you rather be alone, with a few people, or average/many people?
4. Do you have a tendency to break the law/antisocial behaviour?
5. Do you wear a mask to hide your real self, including emotions?

This is only for orientation, if you really want to know if you are a sociopath (which isn't a diagnosis, instead ASPD is used as a diagnosis) you should go to a professional. Either way, you'll have to live with the doubt.