I wonder if you and she are sort of mirror images.

She wants to do a lot physically in the moment. You can’t do that or don’t want to.

You on the other hand want stuff discussed in the moment. She can’t do that or doesn’t want to.

You want her to use a different style for sex.

I bet she wants you to use a different style for discussion/issue resolution.

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These issues aren’t “her problems”, and they aren’t “your problems”.

They are differences in style.

The challenge here, I think, is for both sides to find ways to compromise on both issues.