Feeling emotionally challenged. A lot of "Should" thinking is entering my head and voice. I feel like I have been letting everyone down because I should have done, this I should have done that, I could have said this and so on. I feel overwhelmed particularly with thoughts I am worthless. I am not being very compassionate and gentle to myself. I know I don't have to do it all and be it all but I feel I should and consequently feel like I may not passing muster and am failing a lot.

I am also dreading things to come - even those that ought to be providing me some joyful anticipation. An upcoming camping road trip which I've mentioned before is causing distress and sadness. I fear it being a disasterous let down. A concert is coming up and I feel no sense of anything about it. I should be looking forward to that too but I sense no excitement or joy. Additional events I would normally look forward to for the spring and summer are now being publicised. No excitement has been generated. As I sign up for these things or tell my boyfriend they would be nice I guess to go to I am feeling instead that I am just going through the motions and saying what I ought to say.

This sadness is taking a grip. I fear this a great deal. I don't want to spend another summer watching it unfold through a psych ward window.