Disclaimer: I am not capable of empathy (Narcissist here, my little sister has BPD so I lurk here often). I am not incapable of kindness and compassion, however.

I know what it's like when everything in your mind goes haywire all at once. I have a very malignant shade of NPD, HPD, PTSD, some kind of dissociative disorder or schizophrenia (they can't tell which one it is). I've had times when all of that has gone off at once and good ****, it was always a nightmare and I couldn't tell which was which either. It all blurred together. It sucks, and that is an understatement. I know how much torment it can cause when everything hits you all at once like this.

But, I also sincerely think the world is a better place with you in it. I've seen you around before. You're not a bad person. I've seen how you speak to others, and I also see that you have a lot of "fight" in you. Do not give up. You can win this war. You may not win all of the battles, but I can see that you can win the war one day.