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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2
I would agree with the openness but, without setting clear boundaries, some people (who handle their insecurity by being authoritarian) might grasp on it use it for control, like in this case I believe. Perhaps it also helps to be open and relatively transparent but not ask their validation and approval for doing something. Describe things and state "I will do XYX", without associating a condition with it. It does not always work but, in my experience with very insecure people, it can help set boundaries. I think one of the least effective strategies in such situations is acting submissive and responding with acceptance of unreasonable demands.
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This is very wise. Most therapists do not have training in domestic violence and I've heard many horror stories over the years about how poorly therapists respond to violence and control (control is the real issue, violence is just a tool to establish and maintain control). One of the tools of control is jealousy, which constricts the other's behavior in ways desired by the controlling one, such as leading her to think she has no right to set boundaries or better yet, thinking that the right thing to do is to spill out information that can then be used against her. Sorry, OP, but I think your therapist is wrong about his approach. And people often write off strategic control as "insecurity" rather than seeing it as the manipulation and deliberate mission of the controlling one. This also facilitates the controller's control, because if it's about something he can't help and is "vulnerable" to, like "insecurity," then you are the one who ends up making the accommodations against your best interest.