Its not upsetting Mopey, rather: thank you for asking! Home is exactly what it sounds like. its the house where i have lived all my life until we moved away (still in the same town) 5 yrs ago. i know i talk about it as if it were a person, but it is for me. i believe some objects have a soul and my Home is the best example. i'll never have a Home again. not one with the capital H.
im so happy and relieved it went well yesterday. it really is such a relief. Home hasnt changed much, i didnt see lights or people, and i went there under my window with my car and it felt i was at Home and driving out of the property was SO familiar it made me feel excited and as if i had travelled in time for a few moments.

today went ok. i had the course. the first part was especially touching and interesting to me since they talked about autism. i have always felt im close to that spectrum even if i have never been diagnosed and i dont think i could ever get that diagnosis, but i still do feel i fit in that spectrum or that i have some of those tendencies (my exT said something like that once). the rest of the course was about mental disability in general and how it affects people who have it, their families and the whole system that tries to take care of them. it was still interesting but not like the previous time.

luckily we finished early and i could come at my parents' a few hours earlier than i thought and i could enjoy my tv series, my cat, and i cooked dinner with mom. we didnt talk about yesterday and im glad about it because i didnt feel like it. i only wanted her to know yesterday was "that" day.

i hope i'll be able to enjoy tomorrow better. more sleep, more tv series and more relax. i dont feel ready to restart next week, but we'll see tomorrow. maybe if i rest well and long enough i will be ready!

ps. the pharmacist's suggestion is working. i hope i'll keep improving! : )