Thanks Kiya, I also have trouble saying and writing the word. I do really feel stupid when I'm asked a question and I'm not sure if it is about sex or if it is intended to have a deeper meaning.

Here is another one she has asked me on two separate occasions. 'Do you think you had a normal sexual development?' What to you think that question was asking?

When she first asked it was after I has after I sent my abuse disclosure to her. It sent my mind spinning immediately with .. Is she asking me for specific information about when and who I've had consensual or non-consensual sex with?... Is she asking me to chronologically describe when I covered "each base"? Is she asking me about my physiological development or if I have any physical problems? My brain went wild trying to interpret the question. During that discussion I concluded that she couldn't possibly asking about details of my sexual experiences (she is a psychologist not a sex therapist) so I defaulted to the my comfort zone (anatomy and physiology), and simply said.. Yes, I consider my sexual development (biologically) as being normal.

A few sessions later she asked the same exact question, and my mind when off again trying to interpret what she wanted. Obviously my earlier response was not adequate, because my T has a good memory and doesn't ask things repeatedly unless there is a point to it. This time the stuff going through my mind had an hint of anger. "Hell, doesn't she get what I wrote, I started off on third! before I event realized what they were doing to me." "Is there a way to go back and have a "normal" sexual development after that?" "How the hell am I supposed to know what is normal and what isn't, is there even a normal?" I think my response that time was, simply "I don't know!"

Then this past week we were discussing my relationship with my husband and whether I thought I love him. I was being honest not evasive when I said, I don't know. She then started to back the timeline up in an effort to find "love". That's when she hit me with, Who was your first love?

I think I am have so much trouble with these discussions because the discussion of sex, even anything to do with the reproductive system, was completely off limits in my home. Until therapy I have never had anyone question me nor have I questioned others about their sex life.