Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
If there is one thing I really struggle with in others..
It’s inauthenticity
In particular
“Never feign affection” - from the Desiderata
Thanks to @ little turtle, @ Rohag, @ Thirty shades, Mickey Cheeky, Sň leigheas, Crypts and others here who are “leaders” in showing empathy and genuine kindness.  And in not judging or shaming anyone .......
I realise I’ve left many out... that isn’t intentional  . I don’t want to make too long a list 
my parental units were pathological liars 
When I give a hug to someone, online or in real life, it’s to show genuine support
I’m also capable of sometimes giving support... a clicked hug or even a posted hug to someone in need isn’t too hard to do... to someone I may not “like” - but maybe I need to rethink this?? I don’t know why though.. I have enough empathy to spare for almost everyone. 
A therapist who said he had no “empathy” for me... well.. I didn’t pay to hear that
sort of crap. If he was feeling frustrated there are kinder and less shaming ways of saying that  I do not appreciate being shamed for not being perfect ....
(Not suggesting anyone here does otherwise. .. as in who am I to judge whether Hugs are “sincere” or not.. I just know that mine are ..)
My PUS parental units didn’t hug me.. that wouldn’t have cost them anything.. to give a bear cub a hug |
My words n hugs n empathy n anything else I share or give to you are real. Why? Because my Mom taught me what it felt like to receive it - my Dad, step mom, step sisters, and counselors taught me what it was to have it thrown back in my face. One is such a wonderful feeling - the other is such a harmful (not just hurtful) feeling. I will never harm someone in that way. I have also been lied to about empathy before and that ends up making me feel worthless. So yea .. If I don't feel it or don't really want to give it - I just won't. I refuse to hurt people if I can help it. Especially my friends. I consider you a friend.
I have had counselors say many a hurtful thing to me .. it's why I don't trust them. I almost think they do it on purpose to be sure we don't form an attachment to them. But to me - it causes more harm than good. It's why I went to dealing with things on my own. That's supposed to be seen as a good thing - but when you feel pushed into it there is nothing healthy about it. I completely understand your pain. If ever you want to talk, send me a PM. ❤
Love you my friend.