Quote:
Originally Posted by Icedgem
I really do not like spending any time with my brother at all.
He's a few years older than me at 38.
Today at my parents (we haven't seen each other in about 3 weeks) he arrives and just barges past me in the kitchen purposely pushing me into the wall. When he walks back towards me he flicks his hand out to my face as if to hit me then flicks it back behind his head to imply he's fixing his hair. He laughs as I always flinch as he used to beat me when we were young.
I was playing with my kids and nephew (his son) and he comes barging in again and just messes up our game and turns on the TV and puts it up loud.
I get the kids together and we leave. I tell my parents I'm leaving because of him and my says 'well he's your brother'
Eugh.
Any advice to stop me totally lashing out at him next time?
How can I handle this behaviour
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If you can, draw verbal boundaries with your brother about what you'll put up with from him, and what crosses your line, and the consequences. At first, he'll mock you for it, but if you remain steadfast and consistent he'll either concede and respect your verbal boundaries (the consequences are the dangling carrot to reward his good behavior around you), or he'll just ignore your verbal boundaries b/c he's a douche bag and then you'll need to decide if you are going to permanently estrange yourself from him.
I had to do that -- estrangement -- with my younger brother b/c after our father's funeral he physically beat me up in our childhood home then later dumped me by the side of the road on the road trip to our uncle's funeral and only returned an hour later to pick me up at his wife's behest.
My mother and sister refuse to acknowledge my boundaries with regard to being estranged from him -- so they constantly invalidate my feelings when I refuse to join them at family functions or holiday get togethers. Now, I am temporarily estranged from my sister b/c we are trying to put our mother into assisted care and she's undermining me at every step b/c she controls our mother's finances etc.
Just because you are related to someone doesn't require you to keep them in your life, if they turn out to be toxic to your well being. Sibling estrangement isn't that uncommon anymore. It's all about setting boundaries with the toxic family members in our lives. If they choose not to respect our boundaries, we are not obligated to put up with their continual abuse.
Am I sad about my sibling estrangement from both of my siblings? No. Just...disappointed. I'm nearly 50. I need to focus the rest of the time I have on earth making myself happy, and not constantly being drained by two siblings who don't like or respect their oldest sister.
I will miss being involved with their children, as their aunt. But that is all I'll miss out. Someday their children will either seek me out through online means or won't and I"ll be left out of their lives. It happens. What can I do I about it?
The Long-Term Effects of Adult Sibling Bullying
When Parents and Children Are Estranged