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altonwoodsdrphil said:
...What she's doing constitutes not only abandonment but mental cruelty as well. ...We take vows to stay with someone thru sickness and in health but what I see is willful sickness and definitely a time when a separation is in the best interest of all parties.

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Oh, man.

I... well, I don't exactly disagree, but...

It's hard to find that line of no return, that line which, once crossed, lets you know that you must, for the best of all involved, make a very difficult decision. But in my situation, has she crossed that line? I honestly don't know for sure.

She is finally going for therapy, even if she decided in the last week to discontinue all of her medication. The kids love her and want to have her around, although she's in a closed computer room nearly all of the time. Strangely, this would be easier if she were much worse.

... I had started to type, "The decision would be easier if she were physically violent in view if the kids or if she were hurting herself..." But the thing is, she's recently done both.

A month ago I was a three-hour drive away for a meeting. My wife called me frequently, telling me about the incapacitating headings she was getting. When I had arrived at home and came in the door, the house was in chaos. My two daughters - 7 and 13 years old - were frantic, because my wife was on the couch downstairs and was unresponsive. My 13 year old had called 911 just before I came home. At the hospital they pumped her stomach and kept her under observation for a day. My wife admitted later that she took a few Tylenol 3s with codeine - an old prescription in our medicine cabinet - to try to knock back the headache... and then she decided to keep taking them. About 35 of them. That's the incident that prompted her to finally agree to therapy.

Okay. Yeah. I know. Even if I don't like to think about it or acknowledge it, she's seriously messed up. Enough to justify separating, maybe more than most. I'm sure some of you are sitting in front of your computers saying I should run, not walk, away and never look back.

So what's keeping me?

My wonderful, sensitive kids love her, and separating would break their hearts. I live in a small town of 5000 people with no family or close friends within 200 miles to help or support us. Moving would mean I'd lose my job. And we live paycheque to paycheque, sliding a little further into debt every month.

I think maybe I don't allow myself to fully see the big picture because my options are slim and it allows me to focus on trying to patch my life as it currently sits.