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Originally Posted by FearLess47
Hi all...
I've been trying to gain a bit of knowledge and understanding of some common language or concepts which are common to complex PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I have had many diagnoses over the years, and when my psych nurse causally told me she had me as "Bipolar 2" last year, I was surprised and just accepted it. We only saw each other 4 or 5 times a year...so she started adding antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, which I didn't react well to.
Considering that all signs are pointing more towards DID...I'm welcoming the idea of discovery and integration, even if it takes 10 days or 10 years or 20 years. I have an insane trauma history, with many layers. I've until recently been somewhat unwilling or unable to "look" at the timeline of my life (never made one) and to comprehend that all of the things on the list are me.
Recently my spine surgeon, a military veteran, told me and my husband that I remind him of his combat buddies and patients. Compartmentalized. He said I am really good at dealing with the physical pain but not so good at dealing with the emotional pain. I know I am this way. (He said, "It's like you're two different people."  ) But I can't yet connect with it other than making jokes, or looking for a second, then looking away, etc.
I read my "list" of trauma stuff to my last T and she asked me if I realized how detached I was from any emotion of it.
Can you help me understand "compartmentalization" and "detachment" as it relates to severe, deeply entrenched trauma? I understand it is normal things our brains and bodies do to handle things, like dissociation. But I'd love to have a starting point, at least to correctly categorize the experiences.
(Rather than referring to it as "Mood Swings" from a chemical bipolar stance.) There are different "moods" AND different abilities in different parts.
Agh. Thanks for reading.
FearLess47 |
a good starting point for me to understanding the timeline of my life was actually making a timeline...
you know how in elementary school and high school where you had to make these graphs and charts of things... drawing a line on a paper and then putting numbers underneath or above the line. then marking a dot on the line and writing what that dot represented...example 1776 independence 1861 Lincoln 1905 Einstein discovered relativity, .... or drawing those math, science history timelines...
I did the same thing with my life... I took some paper, glued the ends together to form a long sheet of paper then took a ruler and drew a line across the top about an inch down from the top edge of the page. then at the top left of the line I wrote the word "years" and under the line to the left I wrote special events then I numbered across the top to represent each year of my life. the first dot I made on the time line was on the line under the date of my birth. then I went down the line and marked (on the line) the date of my high school graduation, the date I went into foster care, the date my abusers were prosecuted, the date social services decided it was safe now for me to go back to my parents now that the abusers were in prison, the date of my prom, my first love, things that I fondly look back on and are not traumatic to look back on.
then during therapy my therapist and I marked on the time line any time I remembered something new good or bad about my life.
I still keep this timeline of my life going. its now about 15 feet long and documents my life time.
you know how parents make "baby books" for their children. what they are doing is making a timeline of that childs birth, memorable events good and bad so that some day the child can know what their baby/ toddler hood and childhood was like.
you can document your life in this way too by getting an organizer notebook (sold in stationary departments in stores) open the clip and add paper and different colored paper for the dividers, mark each divider for a year of your life. then you write in each section the good and bad memorable events in your life.
Ive heard about people making time lines of their life on their computer programs, using growth charts you buy in baby stores, using pencil on their walls in their closets (dont suggest you do this if you dont own your own home lol)
there are also many great books out there that your treatment provider can point you towards that are work book style. many are generic and not disorder specific that helps no matter what the disorder that you may have.
you can find these books in all kinds of places... your local library's psychology/ self help section, thrift stores, amazon, and other online book stores.any off the computer store that has a book department....
the one trap that people (including me here) get into when they are starting their healing journey is that they limit their self to just the resources about their dissociation. dissociation is as much about PTSD, anxiety, depression, behaviors, ....
like one of my own therapists told me... in order to heal from DID you have to work on other areas too. example if you have a dissociation problem then you also have a trigger problems and if you have a trigger problem you also have a behavior problem ... things that help a person change their behaviors and handle their triggers will also help them to get their dissociation problems in control. if one isnt willing to change their behaviors and learn new ways to handle their triggers then they are not going to be able to heal from a dissociative disorder.
I have done many kinds of therapies..... CBT, DBT, worked in anxiety workbooks, worked on stress..... all kinds of different things. they were not labeled specifically for DID but that didnt matter, they each addressed something in my life that needed to change in order for me to heal from DID.
I have also had many different kinds of therapists. none were just a DID specialist. here in america treatment providers work with all kinds of problems and are qualified to work with people with DID and dissociative disorder. they dont have one specialty. example if you look in a phone book under therapists you will see ads for therapists in that area code. the ads dont just say "Im a DID specilist" the ads say things like services CBT,DBT, REBT, children adults marriage and couples, depression ptsd, anxiety, bipolar, dissociatives...
here in america treatment providers treat all recognized mental disorders, they may have their "favorite" areas but in order to be licensed here in america they have to be non discriminating and treating all mental disorders per federal discrimination laws.
if you are outside america you may have to look in more specialized areas for what you need to get you started. some countries put more limits on their treatments, treatment providers and what one can and cant do.
my point is there are many ways that are only limited by your own creativity on where to start with this building a time line of your life and your healing journey.
only you know where to start, who to start with and how to do it based on your own abilities and life style and life.