Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex
yes, my past abuse still gets triggered.
if people say/ do things a former abuser did, I usually shut them out- I know it's not really the right way to do it, but it's the easiest for me to handle
I get very annoyed around people who I think might be displaying "abusive behaviour", my past abusers have shown most times they aren't abusers, it's my anxiety running away with me. but you can never be sure
|
I actually think it's smart to shut people out when their actions or words trigger past abuse. Abuse follows the same patterns, so I don't think you should be so hard on yourself raging vortex when you pull away.
I actually think anxiety as a reaction is our warning sign to ourself, that the person has abusive tendencies, and so our anxious response is a way to alert ourselves that we need to stay away from the person.
Abusers are wolves in sheep's clothing. A lot of abusers don't wear their abusive behaviors on their sleeves, so to speak. They blend in and try to camouflage if they are verbal or physical abusers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets
Oh blanche- dont doubt yourself. It is weird that he grabbed your arm and he may have meant nothing by it but you told him ahead of time and you would think he would keep that in mind. I get triggered the most by smells. Once I met the father of a friend who wore old spice and I had to literally sit down on the curb under the guise of "feeling dizzy" because I couldnt deal with the smell due to past abuse. I met and married my husband young so my abusive boyfriends were short lived events and most of my abuse history is based on childhood issues. But when I have seen really intense yelling and fighting I feel like my flight or fright mechanism is broken because I freeze.
|
Thanks sarashweets. It is TOTALLY WEIRD that he grabbed my arm the way he did. I've never ever had anyone grab me during a movie like this guy did.
And you're right -- he totally dismissed my pre-emptive message to him about NOT trying to force me to be quiet. I literally wrote him a message that I tend to be loud during movies and react when I get excited and that I was willing to sit away from him if it bothers him.
So, for him to ignore that information and still grab me, made me queasy b/c it shows me that he really doesn't respect me. And for him to know of my abuse history with guys and still grab me, well, that speaks volumes to me.
Why do you think he made such a lame excuse of "I just wanted to be closer to you" which is such a weird, icky thing to say to someone. And his drunk bed selfies on FB of him clothed in bed at 2 a.m. I mean, yuck. Who does that? He's 44 for god sake.
Thanks for sharing your story about your friend's dad and how the scent of his cologne triggered your memories of your own abuse experiences before you got married.
I think scent is definitely a strong trigger, in addition to auditory (sound) and sensory (touch) triggers and obviously verbal triggers (speech patterns, words).