Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche
If there's one thing I love to do, it's research. I always look for articles online about how to solve problems.
I think for me, it boils down to patterns that get enmeshed that shouldn't be. The codependent pattern of the empathic, self-sacrificer, with the narcissist pattern of manipulative charmer. One person gives and perceives themself to be a failure when their narcissist doesn't reciprocate, but that is because the narcissist is just someone who takes and takes. Not exactly a mutually beneficial match of patterns. But the narcissist pretends to be someone who reciprocates b/c they know how to manipulate the codependent emotionally into not accepting any reciprocation. It's sick when you really disassemble the two patterns to see how each one is so dysfunctional when put together.
The Dance Between Codependents & Narcissists
Escaping the Codependent-Narcissist Trap | Psychology Today |
Sigh. I am ashamed to admit how many times I have walked this road. Last week I went to a bookstore and gathered up all the books on narcissistic abuse and sat with my coffee and read through them all. I said to myself, "I know this stuff. I have been here before. Why did I forget????"
I think the answer is because...it happens on a very visceral, emotional level. This friend and I grew up together as children. Not just casual, either, but real best friends.
So the patterns you speak of were probably etched so deep. So very very deep.
You know, it is like the patterns that happens with a sibling.
I think what I need to do is more research on how to heal my co-dependency. Take the spotlight off the narcissist.
I can't thank you enough for your comments.
It is really my co-dependency issues that are causing me to be a victim. Such as (I will just use one as an example) the need for validation. Something I crave because I never got it in my family of origin. And you can see it with narcissistic friends...hey play up your faults and ignore you accomplishments.
Okay...spotlight off the narcissist and onto how I am playing out my co-dependency patterns. Thank you so much. This has been so helpful...like a plasma transfusion!