Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche
Oh I do it too -- I go to the library and sit down with a pile of books and sift through them to pick and choose which chapters apply to my life. Then, like you commented, I remind myself that "hey, I already know this on a basic level, guess I need the validation and a refresher b/c I did forget." It's very empowering to read.
I know my codependency will always be my achilles heel with narcissists and superficial people. There is no cure for mine bc its so deeply ingrained. But, I will give myself credit that now I trust myself more than I used to when it comes to recognizing patterns in other people that act as a warning sign, not to engage with them into a relationship or friendship.
Am I always correct with my intuition? No, but I'd rather trust myself first and then later admit I was wrong, then vice versa which is what I grew up doing: apologizing without processing the situation and my involvement first and what I contributed.
Some introspection is good, but too much then it becomes perseveration (aka "dwelling") and dwelling on the past is not helpful because we know we can't change our past.
I don't think you need to switch between healing yourself and staying informed on narcissism. You can do both concurrently.
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Yeah, you're right. But another thing that happened is that my narcissistic friend was berating me because I was feeling more confident...and ... I never take her advice. I point out that her advice is mostly unsolicited...and not helpful...because she just throws things out without knowing a situation fully. (To myself I think her advice is ridiculous and uniformed.)
So what does this mean? Well, beware of appearing confident around a narcissist. They don't want you feeling confident.
So if I wanted to say in a nutshell what happened between me and this friend is that she was not wanting me to change and be more confident.
This is a left-over relationship. I got rid of a lot of toxic people. I am a bit lonely. And my friend preys on that loneliness.
I personally think it is better to work on my co-dependency issues. Because the healthier I am the less it will attract narcissists. I have found this to be true. I haven't attracted any new narcissists in several years.
Also...I really hate reading about narcissists. I already know it but revisiting it too much is very depressing. Their actions create a lot of evil in the world.
You know the story about vampires. They can't come into your home unless you invite them. Well, I don't like inviting them into my mindstream, either.