It's a couple days later. Drinking was a bad idea. It makes me worse, much much worse. I'm not doing it tonight and probably not at all. My mind goes very dark and then I go to sleep after only two drinks. Probably meds related. Possibly dangerous! Eeep.
I've been obsessively thinking about simply wanting to be alone or worse, because when I'm around others, I see how much I don't fit. It's almost like I'm watching myself as I interact and can see, via their body language, how much they don't care. It's obvious. I'm done trying to connect to people in real life. They don't get me nor need me.