((((EvenMoreLost)))))

I really feel for you, the evils of the internet are often shown in times like these. I have had the same kinda experiences (albeit lesser in situation) and i have felt such anger at lack of response, that feeling of living waiting to hear what that person may say.....its draining. I feel for you so much.

Again i wish i had magic words for you but all i have is a willingness to listen. Its hard trying to keep it altogether, go to work, keep eating etc when all this is happening around you. Are you still going to your therapist - are you still getting the chance to talk it over? I honestly believe the need to ponder things and chat things through, so that very slowly bits and pieces become intergrated....maybe not solved but put into the past.

It seems like you have moved forward though, you have moved from anger to sadness. I know that doesn't seem like the best forward movement but it is definately the next start to healing. Anger just hurts us more...sadness can consume us but i know in time that will lift too, i just wish i could tell you when!

I wish i could think of a way to distract you from the reply to your message, a way to get yourself to a place where when he does email back you aren't set back again. But i think that would involve disintagling yourself from the situation and that can only take time passing and new things coming into your life. I hope someone else can offer you a solution to this, i never did find a solution except at the end of my situation i decided that whatever was said back to me would be recognising the patheticness of the words....and realising that the person was not who i thought them to be. But i dunno if this even applies to your case.

Gosh i am not being helpful at all am i?! I'm so sorry, i know the last 2 weeks may have felt like a long time with all the pain you are feeling but you have made it through them! What an achievement! Sometimes we do not give ourselves the right to see how much we are doing - there have been points in my life when getting through the day, however badly was an achievement.

I pray that he replies soon and you get the closure on all of this. And i am sending you many cyber hugs, you can pm me anytime if you want to rant or whine....take care of yourself. And give yourself a treat for getting through the last 2 weeks!! ((((EML)))))