I can identify parts of me that covertly narcissistic. Some that are overtly narcissistic, too.

But I had an eating disorder over 50 years ago, and committed to self-improvement for my "mental illness" way back then -- it became an identity, and a somewhat covertly narcissistic one. I don't know if anything I have to offer will be of help, or not. But feel free to post again, and I'll post back.

Despite years of therapy, on and off, it didn't do much good -- mostly fed into my sense that I was doing good, committing myself to the established program for self-improvement. It was mostly an illusion, seems like now.

But after all that -- and lot of self-reflection, and life -- I think a key to the narcissism thing may be self-awareness -- AND self-acceptance. Including the pain -- in my case and likely others -- that the people whose lives we were born into just didn't/couldn't love us. Didn't know how, had been damaged themselves, etc., etc. I continue to try to think my way out of the dilemma -- as well as nonthinking -- meditation and, more recently, trying contemplative prayer. So I was thinking last night -- that what I had, what was left for me to get along in the world with, when there wasn't love in the early social environment, with the people whose lives I had been born into, was anger and haughtiness. The haughtiness was disapproved of, so became largely covert. But was still there. Despite some "good" girl and "caring" and codependent traits, too.

I lucked out in that I did have a loving relationship with my late husband -- an odd duck in his own way but our difficiencies didn't get in the way of us loving each other. Long story -- but it worked. Then, 20 years ago, he died. And I have been floundering and lost ever since, trying to find a way, on my own.

Doing better than I have been -- gotten used to some stuff, maybe. Still tough, though.