I was thinking I should go around and visit a variety of nursing homes to see if there might be one that is not so bad that I could use to get myself a real "respite." They're pretty much all for profit these days, and that makes them pretty much the same. But I should at least go look. I wish there were a nursing home for veterans nearby, but there isn't.

I get short-tempered with him. I say things I shouldn't. He seems pretty content though. Even when I think I'm not doing that great a job, it's still better than the existence he has in those places.

Maybe if I go somewhere today, while the attendant is here. Not just the Wal-Mart's. I could visit a library and sit and catch up on some magazines. I subscribed to two that I haven't even read yet. The issues just sit in a pile untouched.

I should make a schedule - a plan for the day, inside of a bigger plan for the week. A lot of my misery is just the inertia of depression.

In 2016, he stayed in a nursing home for 3 months, so he could get full Medicaid. I went almost every day, usually for a few hours. But I still had time to attend to my own needs. I would come home in the evening a feel relaxed. He was in that place for 100 days. I only missed going on 5 of those days. He adjusted better than I expected. But he was stronger then. And he was sure glad to get out of there. But I think I was happier during those 3 months, even with running back and forth like I did.

But he's weaker now. His dementia gets much worse when he is in a facility. He can't stick up for himself anymore, like he did then. I have all these things to consider.