I’ve noticed when I’m ill (sinus infection, stomach bug, etc) my mood swings like a pendulum constantly. And I have no idea what I can do to prepare. I know it happens. I know I become this frenzied mind when I’m sick. I try to treat it. I see the doctor. But 9/10 I end up having a melt down. I got attached by red ants the other day and I know I’m allergic. I get hives and a fever and joint pain. Yuck. Knowing this I prepared and used all the creams and medications to combat the poison but today I found myself losing it. I screamed like a wounded animal l, ran in to my closet, and ultimately self harmed. I haven’t done that in months.

Now I’m sitting here dressing the wounds and icing my head and feeling silly. It’s like I can’t control this when I’m sick. Like the fever in my body just knocks a wire loose.

I take Wellbutrin and Valium now. That has honestly managed my symptoms to a happy medium. But dang when I’m sick and don’t feel good all my progress feels like it goes out the window.