agree with perna. it sounds like, even if you were skinnier you still wouldnt like yourself. and people can see that. going to motel rooms and sleeping with strangers isnt respecting yourself in the least bit. and if you dont respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? btw, i hope you were protected during all that.

a few years ago i was 130 lbs at 5'9''. admittedly, i was underweight. since then, ive gained 40 lbs from a combo of birth control and PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome). now my symptoms are gone but the weight is here to stay. my boyfriend says he doesnt notice. hes got a little pot belly too, but i think its cute. there are plenty and straight up fat people who love themselves. just like there are supermodels who are 5'10'' 115 lbs who hate themselves. your looks wont change how you feel about yourself, only you can do that. sounds corny but its true.