Hi everyone.
T last night. I really wish I had LT's recall. But let me see.

She came and got me. On the way back to her office she asked me how life was going. I said, "Interesting." But that was really just the first word that popped into my head at the time. I went to her office and sat down. She sat down opposite me. She asked me how long it had been since I have SH-ed and I told her 85 days. To which she replied, "Hot Diggity D@mn!" Which I thought was funny. She asked me if that is the longest I have gone and I said, "No, I went a year once."


She asked me what I was doing in order to not SH. I said one I had promised not to until Pentecost. She asked, "What's Pentecost again?" Before answering her own question. I told her I've been going on long walks, doing deep breathing, cuddling with my kitties. etc. I told her I was thinking of extending out past Pentecost but that there wasn't any more Religious holidays for a while that I observe so that I thought it would be hard.


She turned around and googled on her computer and basically concluded with me that there wasn't much until September. I told her that I have a friend who has passed away and his birthday was in August so I am kind of thinking of doing that but IDK yet. She asked me about fourth of July and I said, I didn't care about that and then corrected and said, It's just that it's not personal to me.


We talked about my parents being gone and how I had to do the adulting and how that was hard for me in some respects. It's also harder to not SH when my parents are gone. She asked me something, and I said when I SH, I know that it's escalating (needing stitches etc) so that's something I don't want to do. Plus it's expensive going to the hospital and it's embarrassing. She said even if no one knew that I went to the hospital, I would still know and I would still have to pay the bill and I would still have to deal with the embarrassment. She said, "You're a person! You matter too!"


We talked for a little while about my family history. About how my grandpa was given up as a kid during the depression and changed his name to the family that took him in once he turned 18. We talked about my sister and her kids and her husband and how her husband treats her (which is not good) and how there's lots of yelling and not a lot of grace and mercy in that house.


We talked about my mom who can be quite critical and my boss who was cranky with me the other day and it reminded me of my mom and how I just can't say anything. Anything I say is wrong, or the way I say it is wrong. We talked a little about my Mom's bipolar and how that affects me and my Dad.


We talked about SH some more. About how it takes care of everything in that minute. How it doesn't last, but for that minute it's okay. And that is what makes it hard to give up.


I showed her my hand that was scratched by my Kitty and that made me want to SH--but I didn't. Then I showed her pictures of my kitties. She moved her chair closer to mine and at the time it didn't bother me. Now that I think about it, I don't know why it didn't bother me, but it didn't. She said my cats are really pretty and we talked about how adopting pets works.


Then time was up. I told her I would try to work on a date to extend no SH out to until I see her next, which actually isn't too far away, it's on the 18th. And she said that would be good and that she was sorry that I was suffering. I thanked her and then walked down the hallway and out the door.


Comments Okay.
HUGS Kit