Since adolescence I've been terribly shy. I fear rejection, negative appraisal, and ridicule by others. I was never abused by adults as a kid but I do remember intense bullying from peers and have always felt that had a pretty profound effect on me. As an adult I still constantly fear bullying and ridicule even though, realistically, those things don't happen nearly as much at my age. (I'm 42.)

I've carved out a basically functional, low-risk, low-reward kind of life for myself where I hold down a job, pay my rent and bills but lead a basically empty existence. I have a few very safe but not very close friendships, zero romantic or intimate relationships even though I long for them. Change, conflict, meeting new people, taking existing relationships to new levels, embarking on new challenges all terrify me enough to keep me in this place. I'm lonely and miserable but I don't seem to be able to change, or I haven't found the thing yet that helps me change.

Have discussed Avoidant Personality Disorder with all my mental health contacts over the years but none have ever diagnosed me, saying either that they're not qualified to diagnose or they don't think diagnoses of this kind would be helpful. For those who've been diagnosed: do you think it helps? Has it brought you a better understanding of your struggles? Has it opened the door to therapies you might not have gotten otherwise? Grateful for any thoughts.