Thank you all so much. The weight on my chest definitely doesn't feel as heavy as it did this morning. I've been having a bit of a rough time lately (i'm used to rough, but this was rougher than I thought it would be) and it seems to have brought out a lot of shame. I have spoken to my T about this before and I will bring it up again, but I don't get to see him until late next week.

"Ruining things"--I am applying this to most relationships in my life at the moment. I am not cheerful or fun to be around, I worry that I'm becoming too much for my friends, housemates, family. I know it's a feeling and I know it will pass, but when caught in the midst of it it gets hard to notice where my arms end and legs begin.

Susansays, thank you for that dog analogy. I guess depression makes me a bit selfish, as it makes it seem like it's all me. It doesn't consider that how other people are reacting has more to do with them than it does with me. Rationally, I know that my T won't feel like I am "too much" for him (he never has made me feel that way) but emotionally, i feel like a hurricane. destructive. Thank you for the link--I'll definitely give it a read.

Heretoday--I'm sorry your T terminated you after so long, it must have been awfully hard. I don't seem to recall the post you mentioned, but I don't usually think of him as a "rescuer." i definitely think of him as a helper though and in the past, he has managed to get me in much healhier mindsets. i guess the neediness arises from that--fearing that i can't get there by myself yet, that I still need his guidance.

Omers--thank you for your reply! you have helped put things into perspective and i really needed that. i find it hard to challenge the black and white thinking when I'm feeling threatened.