Thanks, Rose. I have been following your threads for a long time. And during this time my own situation of depression has grown worse. I have tried therapy, medication...and it hasn't done anything so quit both. I have tried calling friends and family but after awhile they mostly don't relate and distance themselves. That is why I say the general public does not understand depression. I call my local Crisis Hotline a lot and they have helped me build coping skills but it isn't enough to manage the passive suicidal ideation.

Finally...I think some of us become so isolated and suicidal it is bleak indeed.

After reading this latest thread I realized we are in the same boat even if our situations are different. You have very little support. You have been doing a huge job...but your needs have not been met.

Same with me. Well, now I feel it's up to me to pull out of this. I don't feel very hopeful but geez, that is how a deep depression feels. It is hell on earth. I think I will feel better if I decided once and for all that no one is going to be that helpful.


What I have also observed is that in exasperation others will start "blaming the victim," and this is the worst. Sometimes we find ourselves in very difficult situations purely due to circumstance. People get ill, people fall into financial difficulties etc. In my long life I have found it to be a fact that people (friends, relatives, even professionals in the helping profession) aren't that helpful. When I "fake it" people think I am improving...but that isn't the case. I am just managing a severe depression. Because I want to avoid people doing a "blaming the victim" thing on me. They have no idea what I am experiencing.

Last summer I volunteered as a gardener at a church. It seems that this is where my breathing difficulties started...because of a lot of pollen, dust etc. By the end of the summer I had to quit because of bronchitis. No one ever called me to see if I was okay.


All I am saying is...if I was not so alone it would not have bothered me but because I am so isolated...a phone call or an email would have been welcome.

I feel a bit bitter, a bit harder but that's okay. I needed a thicker skin.


Rose, we can do this. Even teeny tiny steps towards something better is great. Even a teeny tiny to-do list is okay. Start small. That's what I am going to do. Because that is always how healing happens...in very small increments.