I'm not sure whether to post this in chronic pain or here, but I'll start here.

I'm in a lot of pain and having trouble walking. It seems like the pain's been there forever and has gotten unbearable. A specialist told me last year that I shouldn't be on high doses of painkillers, so I stopped taking most of them. I stopped sleeping the last few months because I'm in so much pain. Maybe an hour every few nights. My new bed is also uncomfortable and I can't do anything about it for a few weeks. I'm so tired that I can't function and I don't really eat anymore. I've lost 15 lbs in about three months.

I told my PM doc that I didn't want to exist this way and that I think about suicide. I'm not sure what I thought he'd do, but he sent me to the ER. They wanted to admit me, but I asked them not to. They scheduled me for an outpatient program instead. I don't think it'll be helpful, though, since it doesn't address how to deal with physical pain. Maybe being admitted would have been better.

I'm debating whether its worth doing the out patient program. I think I'd be better off with a program designed for pain patients. Or finding my own Pdoc/therapist. I'm not sure what to do, but can't keep just existing the way I am.